NewsJack: Senate Smackdown

Back over to America this week as former lady wrestler and former Chief Executive of the World Wrestling Federation Linda MacMahon throws her flimsy collapsible chair into the ring in the Senate race to succeed the rubbish angry Santa lookalike incumbent, Chris Dodd.

Many thought that her campaign was just another bizzare plot twist in the ever-shifting Hollyoaks-on-steroids saga that plays out in the ring each week, one part of which was-put unintentionally hilariously by Wikipedia-when “The MacMahon marital feud reached a climax at Wrestlemania 17 when Linda awoke from her comatose state and kicked Vince in the groin”.

Being caught in a headlock and pile-driven face-first into the floor watched by tens of millions of people isn’t the sort of thing people look for in a Senator but the denizens of the staid northern state of Connecticut seem to be welcoming her with open arms. Thirty nine per cent behind to begin with, she’s now surged into a ten-point lead over former Congressman Robert Simmons, described by our very own editor Kim as resembling “an upside-down teabag”.

One of the things I’ve noticed about the US and UK legislatures compared to other countries is how relatively peaceful they are. Slag off your opponent in Turkey and he’ll fucking lamp you one. Perhaps McMahon’s election to the Senate will innnagurate a new era of violent political debate to US politics. Need to break a Fillibuster? Sod rounding up 60 votes to move a cloture motion; just grab a conveniently placed 2 x 4 (covered in barbed wire, obviously) and keep pumelling him until mouth is so full of blood he can’t go on talking. They could rip out all those elegant Georgian desks and replace them with 100 pasting tables cut in half and glued back together again; suplex the Majority Leader into one until he gives your latest pork-barrel project the nod. Fancy being Senate Foreign Relations Chairman? No need to hang around for three decades waiting for everyone else to die off; just goad him into a cage fight by calling his wife a skank.

An Austrian action film star is Governor of California and a male stripper Masachussets Senator; anything can happen. Inappropriately tight spandex at the ready; One, Two, Three….


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